Monday, January 23, 2012


I am very proud of my wife for expressing herself and putting herself out there. It has inspired me to do the same. It hasn't got much easier this year. Honestly I think this year is the hardest so far. As days go by its harder and harder to want the day to start. Yes I am depressed,stressed and just plain exhausted. I just wish that i could make things better for my whole family. Make eli better so the amount of angst would be less. Get some people locally to hang out with. I used go out for hours and just hangout with random people. I could call people and people would call me and we would just talk. That doesn't happen anymore. It hasn't for a very long time. At first it wasn't such a big deal as time goes by it gets worse. I don't know i just hope it gets better for all of us. This funk of ours just sucks. Gotta figure out how. Day by day. Minute by minute. It is a rough journey.

Today we started some new things in the house. We got up and started a new exercise program. So far I feel that it is so much better than the old one. I can totally feel it. Maybe its because I am so out of shape.However I don't care the reason I just want to see the results. I know I can feel them. I also have started doing my protein drinks again. I am loosing a lot of weight again. No matter what i do I can't gain to a healthy weight. I hope it works. My fear is that it may not. A few years ago I was at a weight of 103 and my healthy weight is about 135. I am about 114 lbs. I am going to try it for a couple of weeks before changing anything. Heather has been very supportive in this journey. She knows how upsetting it is for me. We are also putting in place some new ways of handling behavior issues in the house. So far it seems like it is working. Will keep you updated.

If you haven't yet try to smile and find something positive today. I have.

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